The matching Tattoo my sister and I got.
My Dad died two years ago today..or yesterday..no one really knows. He died at home, alone.
Luckily the neighbours raised the alarm, or who knows how long he could have been there. I didn’t know where he was, we hadn’t been in contact for years, and my randomly ringing Ingram phone numbers from the white pages over the years had come to nothing.
I hadn’t seen him since Hayden was a baby. He came to visit us in hospital…drunk. And then a few weeks later he came to see us..drunk..at 11am in the morning. At which point I had to tell him he couldn’t come see us any more if he couldn’t do it sober..I couldn’t do it any more. He was hurt, but he understood..and that was the last time I ever saw him.
Some may remember reading the posts, the main one I stupidly deleted so as not to offend his arse hole family…did I mention his family are arse holes? I guess, at the time I didn’t realise how much they had actually screwed us.
He died, and they didn’t bother to contact us to let us know. We found out by chance, 2 months later, from child support, when they rang to tell my mother she would no longer be getting child support from him for my sister.
They didn’t even publish a death notice (which I also randomly checked), or have a funeral for him.
Who does that? What on earth could we have ever done, to deserve to be treated like that? We were children for fuck sake..he was the alcoholic that ruined our family and drank himself to death.
We managed to track down a number for his parents. It was the worst phone call I have ever had to make. Surely it was all a mistake. SURELY he could not have died and no one told us. But when I spoke to his Mum, and asked if she knew where he was. All she could reply was, “I’m sorry dear, he’s dead. We tried to contact you but couldn’t find your number.” What fucking bullshit! It’s called Google and Facebook people. They couldn’t have even tried.
He was cremated. His sister was off on holidays for 6 weeks, and said when she got back, Stacey and I could decide what we wanted to do with his ashes. Never heard from her again, and have not been able to contact her.
Who knows what they have done with him?
I’m so glad we got married just a month after all this, and finally get rid of their surname, it began to feel dirty and filled me with stabby rage every time I thought about it.
Today, I can’t feel anything more than really bitter and angry about them and the whole thing. Perhaps it is my fault, should I have done more. Should I now? Or is it too late.
I spent years wondering if he was alive or dead. Now I know..it doesn’t seem to make it any easier or offer any closure.
Leigh, I hope writing this has lifted some of the weight he and his terrible family placed upon your shoulders. But I have to, selfishly, thank him for playing a major part in your being.
You have created so much…..your family both two and four footed and that wonderful group All For Women and some very strong friendships.
In all honesty, if he had wanted a better life, he would have let you into his.
Thanks Heather for your kind words
I’ve been stewing for a few days, so it did help a little to get it out.
alcoholism is a bitch
*hug*
A huge smelly bitch *hug*
Leigh, you did all you could to find your dad & we always ask ourself ‘could we have done more’ i think even when we know in our heart that we did every single thing possible at that time that we are still left wanting to put some kind of guilt trip on ourselves & i think we do that because we are so sad & just wishing that our loss wasn’t so hard on us.
Leigh you are a sweet natured, good person & i am sure your dad knew that about you & in his way he must have many times wished your family were in his life but sometimes wishing just doesn’t help the person that has the addiction & the fact that he could not give it up for you in No Way means he loved you any less.
His family are the ones that should feel guilty for not getting in touch or for staying in touch with his children after all how can a grandmother not keep in touch
Leigh none of it is your fault & apart from getting in touch with his sister & asking about his ashes i cannot think of anything to do but if there is anything at all that you feel would give you peace of mind then i say yes! do whatever you feel you need to just so you can let go & move on. xo
My dad has been gone 8 years today & the heartache is still as strong
Naww..thanks Di. You made my eyes a little moist
Huge hugs to you, I know have you have struggled with your Dad’s passing.
Oh honey.
As a parent you had a responsibility to do what was best for your family. You did the right thing. You gave him a choice and he made one.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand what is in the heads of families like his. I’m so sorry you had these people to deal with.
Much love and hugs.
xoxoxoxo
I think the only thing left is to see what is to be done about his ashes. If they have already attended to that then shame on them for not involving you.
He knew what he had to do to stay in your lives and he chose a different path. I’m sorry that his decision has left you feeling this way but he made his choice. Big hugs to you Leigh xxoo
I don’t think you could have done any more Leigh. You gave him a way to be in your life and it was up to him to meet that. As for his family… you’re right. They’re arseholes.
hugs.