So Hayden had complained of sore knees for a few months. They were never swollen, limping or anything like that.

The boy is huge! He is going to hit 6ft this year I am sure..and he’s 11!!! He has done lots of growing, which I’m sure comes with some pain.. so I had just brushed him off and put it down to growing pains.

He started Muay Thai Kickboxing a few weeks ago, and had complained a little more than usual. Manpet is on holidays so I sent him off for a fun filled day of waiting around to see the dr, then some more waiting for xrays, and the so more waiting.

Turns out it wasn’t just growing pains, and I am a bitch. He has Osgood Shaclatter Syndrome, which is fairly common in boys his age and while painful, isn’t nearly as serious as the strange medical centre doctor had led them to believe.

“He’ll never be able to run or play sports again, EVER” she told them. So of course they thought he was dying and would have no legs and be in a wheelchair before his next birthday by the time they had gotten to the car and rang me.

I felt terrible. I guess they are pretty much like a heal spur..but on your shin. Something that I suffered with, and bitched about for about 6mths last year.

Funny though at first, now that it had a name, it seemed to make him limp now and it was much more painful. Mummy doesn’t buy into that shit mate, suck it up princess and get yourself some frozen corn.

Some physiotherapy, stretches and some ice and I think he’ll be able to keep his legs. And he still manages to run OK when Mum is chasing him round the house.

The matching Tattoo my sister and I got.

My Dad died two years ago today..or yesterday..no one really knows. He died at home, alone.

Luckily the neighbours raised the alarm, or who knows how long he could have been there. I didn’t know where he was, we hadn’t been in contact for years, and my randomly ringing Ingram phone numbers from the white pages over the years had come to nothing.

I hadn’t seen him since Hayden was a baby. He came to visit us in hospital…drunk. And then a few weeks later he came to see us..drunk..at 11am in the morning. At which point I had to tell him he couldn’t come see us any more if he couldn’t do it sober..I couldn’t do it any more. He was hurt, but he understood..and that was the last time I ever saw him.

Some may remember reading the posts, the main one I stupidly deleted so as not to offend his arse hole family…did I mention his family are arse holes? I guess, at the time I didn’t realise how much they had actually screwed us.

He died, and they didn’t bother to contact us to let us know. We found out by chance, 2 months later, from child support, when they rang to tell my mother she would no longer be getting child support from him for my sister.

They didn’t even publish a death notice (which I also randomly checked), or have a funeral for him.

Who does that? What on earth could we have ever done, to deserve to be treated like that? We were children for fuck sake..he was the alcoholic that ruined our family and drank himself to death.

We managed to track down a number for his parents. It was the worst phone call I have ever had to make. Surely it was all a mistake. SURELY he could not have died and no one told us. But when I spoke to his Mum, and asked if she knew where he was. All she could reply was, “I’m sorry dear, he’s dead. We tried to contact you but couldn’t find your number.” What fucking bullshit! It’s called Google and Facebook people. They couldn’t have even tried.

He was cremated. His sister was off on holidays for 6 weeks, and said when she got back, Stacey and I could decide what we wanted to do with his ashes. Never heard from her again, and have not been able to contact her.

Who knows what they have done with him?

I’m so glad we got married just a month after all this, and finally get rid of their surname, it began to feel dirty and filled me with stabby rage every time I thought about it.

Today, I can’t feel anything more than really bitter and angry about them and the whole thing. Perhaps it is my fault, should I have done more. Should I now? Or is it too late.

I spent years wondering if he was alive or dead. Now I know..it doesn’t seem to make it any easier or offer any closure.